My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
