No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Randomize
