we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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