did you get engaged???
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
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My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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