Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
