I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
