he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
