You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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