The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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