I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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