thus making me awesome and them whores
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
