Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize