When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
