1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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