it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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