Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
pray to the hookup gods
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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