I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
