Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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