It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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