I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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