Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We need to get me chipped asap
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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