Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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