i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
