We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
