That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
