phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We don't watch enough power rangers
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
