This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
