Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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