Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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