Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
