Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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