The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am naked and annoyed.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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