He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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