guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
