i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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