Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
