I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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