I think I died a long time ago.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
