I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
