i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
