Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
