i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
