using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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