She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
