Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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