Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
