It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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