a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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