We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
