I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize