I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
