so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
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In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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