ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
