dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
