If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
