it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
