I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize