this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
