I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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