I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Pooping to opera.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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