you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
