With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
