did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
