yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
